It has almost been six years since I welcomed my son Ezra into the world. The night of his birth I walked into the ER and was brought to the OB floor where my husband met up with me after parking the car. Once hooked up to the monitors, it became evident that our son was in distress. With my husband by my side, we were quickly told by the OB nurse that the doctor on call would need to do an emergency c-section, the first one for this mother twice already. We were in shock. I still remember the overwhelming feeling of fear as I quickly said goodbye to my husband and was rushed down the hallway to the operating room. Tears filling my eyes, I just stated over and over, "Jesus". I could not say anything other then His name, knowing that He was in control of my son's life. After I woke up and saw my son for the first time by way of the digital camera, I only wanted to hold him. We finally agreed on a name, Ezra Cross. He was brought to us for a quick minute in the middle of the night. He was so quiet, so sweet. Signs of a brain injury during birth did not come to light until the next morning. He was sleepy and did not wake up, I only wanted to hold him and nurse him. I was told to wait. When we were told that tests would need to be run on Ezra and that it meant taking him 1.5 hours away, we knew this was serious. It was becoming evident to us by watching him that he suffered a severe injury. Friends came to our side, the power of prayer sustaining us. My husband along with a friend, followed behind the ambulance that had our one day old son within it. I was back at the hospital, getting things in order to make the trip to be with my husband and son Ezra. Dear friends were caring for two daughters. My husband returned and gave me the news from the initial test done on Ezra's brain. Brain damage.
We entered uncharted waters, numb from disbelief. Yet, God gave me unexplainable peace. I gathered my belongings ready to make the trip to the NICU. My body in pain from surgery did not compare to the pain in my heart, the longing to hold Ezra and make everything ok for him. The trip was silent for the most part, with a few phone calls to inform our friends and family. Knowing that I had my best friend along on this new journey was God's gift to me. My husband was so strong, a source of comfort, arms to hold onto when I was so weak.
Even before we were allowed to see Ezra, we were taken into a room to met with the doctors, discussing just how severe Ezra's brain injury was. I sat there in a wheelchair, not knowing what to ask or say. We acknowledged that we understood the results from his first CAT scan. More tests were to follow, decisions were to be made. Without a second of consideration, we Ezra's parents, firmly stated that his life is worth saving and to do so, whatever it took. Only hours ago, Ezra was still safe in my stomach, protected from all this pain. We walked through each day moment by moment, resting in God's perfect plan. We went through many emotions as we tried to make sense of it all. We were in a fight for his life. Believing that it was significant, no matter what his brain function would be. We did not believe that we could make the decision of life or death. That was for God to decide for our son. We were told to take pictures and dress him as we wanted. His sisters were brought to meet him. They asked why he wasn't home. That became was our goal. Getting Ezra home was our plan of action. Through up and downs, the day came when we brought him home. My amazing parents made the three day drive out to us, dear friends flew in from Maine, friends close by visited, gifts and cards given, along with phone calls and emails from all over the world. We were in awe and saw the body of Christ in action.
Today presently, I think back to those days of fighting along with Ezra for his life and marvel at the hand of God. His timing is perfect. God brought Ezra into this world at the exact time He had planned since the beginning of time. When my husband and I said our "I do's" we did not know God would choose us to be Ezra's parents. Though not a word leaves his lips, his "speeches" of God's power and grace have been heard around the world. To be part of God using our son in declaring His goodness and glory is a privilege.
We continue to tell Ezra's story. Privileged to be his parents. Nothing could have prepared us for the news we were given all those years ago. We take one day at time, resting in God's plan for Ezra. God continually gives us the wisdom we need in caring for Ezra and how to best fulfill his needs. We do long and pray for his brain to be healed, but we also rest in the fact that his ultimate healing may only take place in eternity. Raising Ezra has been a journey for us that has strengthened our marriage and united us as a family with a total of six children now within our home.
I love that Ezra was born in the month of January, when the Sanctity of Life is celebrated; for we have stood in the presence of doctors that did not view every life as precious and created by God with purpose. We fought for his life and God gave us the victory, taking him home at 2 weeks old. Because we were told his life would end soon due to his brain damage, getting him home in the presence of family was for a peaceful good bye. I smile now, because that good bye has never taken place! The blessings and lessons we might have missed if we'd given up the battle, makes me shudder. I thank you Lord for being my rock and fortress, for the perfect peace you wrap around me, for the strength to go on, for the wisdom I need in how to care for him, for the encouragement I receive through the loved ones you have given me, for the growth in my faith as I depend on You.
Ezra was fearfully and wonderfully made. I believe it with all my heart.
